Heartbreaking

A little rant. A little feeling sorry for myself. 

Yesterday I told Roi to leave me alone and not talk to me while I figure out "how to get out of this hell". He has obliged. 

I'm keeping the fortress walls up as best I can, because to talk to him will only mean more pain. On the other hand, him not at least trying to break through or scale the walls is really really painful too. He has a friend in town, staying the night and they made plans without telling me. 

So come dinner time I asked what the friend would like me to cook for dinner and it was only then that I was informed that the two of them, he and Roi, would be leaving shortly to go to a bar for dinner. 

Of course, it's just simply rude of Roi not to have the decency to inform me since it is my "duty" to cook dinner, but it's also just really painful that he's opting to go out to a bar to have some fun while our relationship is falling apart at his hand. 

I don't want to cry because it somehow means to me that he's won. But I can't help myself.