Various conversations and readings in the last few days have me thinking about sexual trauma. It's a given (depending on who you talk to) that being a partner to a sex addict causes relational trauma, but I feel sexually traumatized too.
Before SA I was comfortable with my sexuality, I think as comfortable as anyone can feel in such a confused culture. I was comfortable with what I liked and what I didn't, and didn't think about or particularly care about what others were up to.
After SA, I see sickness and confusion everywhere.
Before SA I was comfortable with my sexuality, I think as comfortable as anyone can feel in such a confused culture. I was comfortable with what I liked and what I didn't, and didn't think about or particularly care about what others were up to.
After SA, I see sickness and confusion everywhere.
Yep, relational trauma is a given as is sexual trauma. It has it's ups and downs for me. With Devin's slips I suffer and with distance away from those slips, I gain strength. Throw in a lie, I suffer some more for a day or two and get back up again. It is the path I have chosen for now and I know I am strong enough emotionally now to endure it.
ReplyDeleteI also know I can no longer view sexual things the way I used to. No more porn, it's lost it's ability to "spice things up." I still can't dress up in lingerie and may never be able to and I simply don't care anymore...his loss, not mine.
I see sickness but feel compassion too.
Much love and hugs!!
Also found this one in the drafts folder and when I hit publish I thought it would publish with the date I drafted it. So these aren't recent thoughts even though still very very relevant, and of course reading my thoughts made me think about it again.
ReplyDeleteWe've been dealing with sexual anorexia now for about a year. And by "dealing with" I mean not having sex and not discussing it.
We have the same issue but ours is compulsive sexual avoidance...such complicated crap!
DeleteI can relate to what you've said here in that after going to meetings, I really have no true hope that the addict in my life will ever be able to sustain sobriety. No hope besides that sick part of me that is slightly delusional, that is. I think going to meetings is good in that it allows me to know that I am not alone, but it also allows me to see how deep the disease (or whatever) is really rooted in the addict. It takes away my naivety, is that good or is that bad? All I know is that it really leaves me jaded. Of course, that isn't necessarily "the meetings" fault, but just the truth of addiction as it is.
ReplyDelete"just the truth of addiction as it is" - yes.
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