It's going by so fast already. Three more days and a whole week will have gone by.
I had to communicate with Roi today by phone and email, but we kept it strictly business. Nonetheless, I felt myself getting edgy over his requests regarding work, checking the mail, etc.
At the same time, I feel the stones that have been filling my body beginning to loosen and lighten. I've made an offer to volunteer at a therapeutic horse farm down the road, and it looks like they can use some help. And while I didn't get the job offer I was hoping for, I did land some new work for myself.
I want so desperately every day to wake up and discover that I'm back to my old self, only even better. That I've healed all the hurt and I'm wiser and more resilient. Having to accept "progress" and not "perfection" is frustrating. If not for myself, but because they say, "the best revenge is a life well-lived" and I want to be able to walk out of this house sooner rather than later with my chin up, money in my pocket, and a spring in my step. To go on with life and forget that I ever loved a sex addict and all the things that loving wrecked.
So tomorrow I will work on accepting where I am, the progress I'm making, and the wounds I'm nursing.
Volunteering at a therapeutic horse farm sounds wonderful, Briar. The ironic thing is that it is something that I could do, because we have one just five minutes from here.
ReplyDeleteDoing for others is healing, especially in a volunteer type setting (instead of in the way that we are typically found doing). And being around horses? That is another level of peace that you will have access to, even if you are only around them in the stalls (or whatever they are called- I'm not good with horse lingo).
I don't so much mind having to take progress instead of perfection, but when I find myself backsliding (mentally)...that is when I start to get despondent...which doesn't help, by the way. :)
Fill and surround yourself with good things and when the three weeks has passed I pray you will notice tangible growth.
You are sounding stronger and stronger with each passing day! This break is doing you wonders! Congratulations for such progress and healing =)
ReplyDeleteKelly, yes, I need to follow up with them asap. The woman contacted me but said she would be away for a couple days. I'll call tomorrow or Friday and see if I can visit this weekend.
ReplyDeleteThe backsliding, indeed, can be discouraging. I've purposefully tethered myself to certain actions so that I don't get so down about backslides. It's part of the process. But it can be hard.
L - I'm glad I'm sounding stronger. It's moment to moment of course, and I honestly don't know how much can attributed to the simple fact that Roi is away and I'm not in his energy field or having to have conversations with him. I dread his return.