This blog is a prayer. The first whisper out loud to the universe of my experience in the briar patch of addiction and codependence. To reach out and talk out loud about raising a son with possible mental illness and destructive self-medicating addiction, and discovering my partner was also a sex addict on top of a recovering alcoholic and opiate addict. 

I have struggled for many years about what to share, how much to share, and with whom. As with all stories, they never belong to any one person. I wrestled with that. How to tell the story without hurting or betraying others? How to be true to my own experience while being true to the other "characters" in the story?

Those "characters" are:

Me (Briar) - Mother to two teens.  Meet them below. 

Lexie - My bright and beautiful, strong-willed daughter. Tough on the outside, fragile on the inside.  She struggles to find her own ground amidst the confusion of growing up with an older brother who is an addict.  She possesses a dry wit that can catch you by surprise and leave you breathless with laughter.  And she's loaded with talent. 

Kyd - My son, named after Kydoimos, spirit of the din of battle, confusion, uproar and hubbub.  There are no spirits that embody all that he is, and of course he is so much more than confusion and uproar.  He is a natural artist, can be totally fun to be around, thinks deep thoughts, is fiercely loyal and can be incredibly thoughtful.  But it is the confusion and uproar of his mind that continually causes him to self-destruct.  Kyd has been diagnosed as "borderline" 4 different disorders.  In other words, there's a high chance he could benefit from medication but without a firm diagnosis...  He self medicates with alcohol and sometimes drugs.

Le Roi Des Voleurs - In french this means "the prince of liars".  My partner of nearly five years.  A man I thought was "the one", only to discover he was an addict extraordinaire with an unblinking ability to deceive as necessary to protect his addictions, even if it meant throwing me under the wheels of the Crazy Bus.