Thursday, April 21, 2011


The sun shines outside, and he is out there somewhere, sitting at a table making plans for a birthday celebration. His laughter will roll through the restaurant and others will laugh too, moved by his unabashed cheer.

I sit inside his house, imagining this, failing to let go.


  1. I'm an education major and we are taught, repeatedly, to reform negative words into a positive statement. Like, 'don't climb on the wall' should be, 'come climb on the climber' (to make it ridiculously simple).

    Maybe instead of telling yourself that you are failing to let go, you can focus on something that you are doing well? Or at least not use the word failing? Maybe you are just holding on for dear life?

    I don't know. I think, for me, getting 'better' is going to be about mind gaming myself out of old thought patterns.

  2. Good points. I know that one of the few things that is still tripping me up, still causing a mental mind-fuck, is how little he appears to suffer in any way. How people thinks he's a great guy, ok, a little quirky, but a decent guy with a good heart.

    Someone who can look you in the eyes and lie without breaking a sweat is, quite simply, not decent. Someone who can laugh from the gut when they know their loved one is suffering is not decent.

    And I can't let this go, even though it's killing me.

  3. You're funny because you remind me of myself. Jermaine was on some TV thing and I was so anxious about how everyone was going to see him and think he was a decent guy. And, for the most part, I think they did. But, my dad...who kind of knows him, said that he is just a really good con-artist. Because he knows the real Jermaine and then he saw what everyone who doesn't know any better saw. We're dealing with con-artists. At least, I am.

  4. I'm not sure Roi is a con-artist in the classic sense. I don't think he deliberately cons people so much as he is just so divided he isn't even aware of the lies. Which in some ways seems more dangerous to me.