Monday, August 16, 2010

Boxes and the Buzz in My Head

As I pack the boxes, seal them with tape, and write their contents on the outside with a large black marker, there is a constant buzz in my head. 

I mostly try to ignore it. I know what it is. 

It's all the worries I've got up there, buzzing around like an angry wasp infestation. 

The many worries about Kyd. 

The worries about all the things I've let go for too long. Lack of resources is enough to bring most people to their knees, but add to that crises and the truth is I should've toppled long ago. 

And then there are the worries about my next move. I'm backed into a corner now and the only sane thing to do is to move in with Roi, but I can't say that I like this option. There are a lot of what ifs involved, and a whole lot of history to back it up. 

Roi is delighted at the prospect. I am less so. He see's a bright future. I see the past. He is optimistic that THIS is the change that will change "us". I already see the signs that not one thing is different enough to rest my hat upon. He's envisioning our future. I'm envisioning an opportunity to get on my feet enough to...escape. And I'm not even sure anymore that I can get better. 


  1. One day at a time, I suppose.
    I pray that you have the strength and ample opportunities that you need to get on your feet and forge into your serene future.

  2. One day at a time...yeah, that.

  3. Just dropping in to let you know I'm here and I'm listening. Love you!