Saturday, August 7, 2010

Personal Defect #1

I come from a family of hoarders, though it didn't set in with my parents until we finally bought our own house when I was 17.  After that, it took several years for them to fill up almost every room, the attic, and the extra attic with boxes of stuff.  My grandmother, bless her heart, lives in a small little house and while she keeps it clean, she hoards.

It's not as bad as, you know, that show, but it's bad enough.

In October 2008 I had a nervous breakdown (more on that later) and since then I've been in a limbo that would probably be diagnosed as depression if I would only get myself to pick up the phone and make an appointment to see somebody.

Since that time, little by little, stuff has been taking over my house.

Today I let Roi come over and help me start the process of hurling stuff out.  And it's hard.  It's hard to let him in on this process.  Because the universal personal defect of codependents is that they like everyone else to be wrong so they can get some relief from their own self-hatred.

But even if I wasn't codependent and he wasn't an addict who I can't trust, it would still be hard because I'm embarrassed that I let depression take me this far down.


  1. I swear, I'm not stalking you, contrary to the abundance of comments I've left in the past 24 hours.

    MY family hoards, too! It is a little different from the shows, yeah, but not totally different. Same beast.

    Sometimes, if I spend enough time at my parents' house, I then come home and throw things away. Things I thought I wanted, or needed, just to prove I'm not a hoarder.

    I'm battling a bad case of depression right now, just went to get confirmation at the end of June, so I'm still pretty deep down. I understand the embarrassment. I think that there is more stigma attached inside my head than inside any one else's head. Like I should just be better already. Its troubling.

    Yay, I'm glad you write :)

  2. Actually it's nice to know someone is reading.

    Yeah, depression. Fun stuff, eh?

  3. Yep, right up there with tooth pain and bathing feral cats