Saturday, August 20, 2011

I have no title for this

Today I discovered that a big honcho in my industry is on his second divorce and already on to his next girlfriend. Younger and prettier of course. Meanwhile, everyone is all abuzz over the book, "Sex at Dawn" which is essentially about all the evidence that shows how we are not meant to be a monogamous species. 

Great news for the sex addicts of the world. 

I have all kinds of jumbled confused thoughts about the subject of this book. I haven't read it, but I've read damn near every review. I can't speak intelligently on the book or the subject both because I haven't read the book and because being involved with a sex addict has completely skewed my sense of my own sexuality or what I think about sexuality in general. 

And that's been pissing me off lately. 

But here's where I am today, and understand my point of view is coming from a place of wholesale exasperation with the whole business of sex period. 

So what if there's boatloads of evidence that we're a philandering species? That women will mate with as many men as possible (evidenced, apparently, by the size of the homo sapiens penis) and that men will do the same competing to make their sperm number one. 

There's also unshakable evidence that we're a murdering, warring species. Where's the book justifying that? Do we want to read that book? 

There's also plenty of evidence that it's in our nature to eat as much food as possible and for our body to store fat, but given our modern day conditions of abundance and processed foods, should we follow our biological nature or should we try to find healthy adaptations by applying our minds to the problem?

Is the idea of bringing back a sexual free-for-all supposed to be some kind of enlightened evolution? Do we honestly think it will reduce our suffering? Are we so naive to not realize that we no longer live in conditions where this could be functional or even enjoyable? For instance, at the time in our history when we were more sexually fluid we lived in smaller groups and shared resources where the number of potential mates was limited and our survival depended on the cooperation of the entire group, not just who we were sleeping with or who sired our offspring. For instance, birth control, because without it our ancestors could only have so much sex before the tribe would run out of food.

Our ability to have sex was naturally limited. Where will the limits be what with modern transportation and the population explosion and never mind the see where I'm going with this.

I don't disagree with the evidence. I disagree that we live in conditions that make a return to our past possible and therefore it's useless to present the evidence without also offering solutions. And in the meantime, people are gleefully devouring and discussing the book in hopes it will give them free license to toss out discriminating wisdom and give in to sloppy behavior because, after all, it's in our biology. 

So go on everyone, eat until you pop, screw everything that moves, and murder anyone that encroaches on your territory. It's in your biology, so it must be right.

P.S. I'll remind you that I haven't read the book AND that I warned you I'm exasperated...just plain exhausted with the whole business of sex at the moment. Maybe I'll feel differently after I read the book.


  1. I like your "no title" and I like your book review and analogies. And honey, if you weren't exhausted and exasperated, I would think that something was not quite right.

    I'm not sure if we are monogamous or not. That is not the point. Honesty is. But non-monogamy and dishonesty seem to go hand in hand, don't they?

    That is the problem, in my opinion.

    Perhaps the reason that polyamory is so enticing, is the aspect of also fucking someone over. However, there are honest sluts, as well. I haven't read this book, either, but I absolutely love the title.

    "The Ethical Slut"

    haha! kinda says it all in 3 words

    Its the unethical, dishonest slut that's the problem. That's why it doesn't work. No one wants to be deceived, betrayed, and fucked over by the person we love more than any other person on the face of the earth.

    it really sucks.

  2. I agree - the honesty is really at the heart of the problem/non-problem. It should be easier than it is.

  3. We are intelligent beings. We don't have to act like neanderthals just because our body parts reproductive bits show a predisposition for such. I don't blame you for your obvious irritation. There are countless men and women living happily in monogamous relationships without much of a struggle against their 'nature', believe it.