Monday, July 18, 2011

discombobulated and slightly cranky

Life with Roi over the last couple of days has been decidedly un-newsworthy. There have been no discussions about how we should move forward. There have been no conversations of consequence at all. He has remained optimistically cheerful as though he can heal all that is wrong between us with a stupid grin and light conversation. 

I haven't the strength or the stupidity to open the topic. 

I did thuggishly announce on separate occasions to both Roi and Kyd that I refused to be in the middle of what is required from each for Kyd to remain here long enough to get on his feet, and to Roi's credit he talked to Kyd on his own. Kyd was not open, to his own detriment, but I cannot enter into that fray any more. Kyd belongs to me, but the house belongs to Roi, and while I have thoughts neither takes my advice so I just can't be involved. It makes me crazy when I try to solve their problems. 


  1. I can relate to this too. I have the same situation here on my end. My children our mine although D treats them as his, but, if push comes to shove, ultimately, they are mine and mine alone. The house, while "ours" is paid for by D.

    Now that D is sober, he is working on his communication with my oldest, R. But so much damage has been done over the last few years, so much distance has grown between them, that it's been a rough journey for them both. I was doing what you were - I tried to put myself in the middle and all it did was cause me heartache and frustration. I finally said f** it and gave up. I decided that the only relationship I really needed to concern myself with was mine and my sons. No matter what happens with D and myself - I had to make sure that R and I remained close and that he knew he could come to me no matter what and thank God he still does. We have been able to stay close. He continues to come to me for everything and now goes to D too. It was something I was hoping would happen but didn't count on. R is leaving for college in August and I wasn't sure he would be leaving with a decent relationship with D or not but D actually co-signed his student loan...I just stayed out of the whole process entirely; it was so difficult not to get involved and insert myself in the process of it all. So unlike me!

    I'm so proud of you for staying out of their problems and leaving them to solve them on their own.

  2. It sounds stressful as hell. I think you are doing great!

  3. Wise move, letting Kyd and Roi hash things out on their own. It probably saves some space in your brain for other things.