Once again I am reminded of how much in recovery is about the addict learning to do what is human, and the partner learning to do what is against human. In it all is an ironic twist since the addict must descend back to earth, get grounded, and pull his/her head out of the pink haze, while the partner must learn to transcend the phenomenal world and rise above earthly, biological leanings. When looked at this way, the partner should come out better in the end after all.
And yet, so much of what I learned about "enlightenment" is that you don't escape the mundane. You walk with one foot in enlightenment and one foot on the earth. And all I can ever conclude (so far in my shaky recovery that is) is it feels impossible that I should ever be expected to lean into love and trust with someone when I am asked to behave against what love and trust looks like naturally between humans. Let go? Keep our noses out of each other's most delicate and personal growth? Don't ask, don't tell?
It seems to be the only thing that works in recovery from everything I've seen (though there are intelligent critics with other plans), and it at least serves to sever the trauma bond, but it is not what I know in my ancient DNA that love should look like.Comment made to this post.