Therapist listened to me tell her what happened in couple's therapy the day before. As the words rushed forth about how I had said I can't move forward in the relationship without full honesty and the couple's therapist told me I can't expect that, I saw Liz's (my therapist) brow crinkle, clearly perplexed. I went on about Roi's analogy of my "overreactions" as nuclear bombs, how the hum in my head became a roar and I sharply put a stop to it. How the couple's therapist told me I was not stable enough for couple's work. About how he was admitting lying to his sponsor, about all the "buts", about the truce.
Liz was perplexed that the couple's therapist saw fit to invalidate what I was stating as my need. She sat thoughtfully for a moment and then said, "sometimes a therapist won't call something out as big as they see it, especially with couples, and especially if someone is not able to hear it. Maybe she sees you as the stronger one and she knows you'll be able to do what you need to do, what is asked."
I smiled a little, "Yes", I said, "I thought maybe that was the case."
Don't get smug, I told myself, but my god it's been so long since someone has thrown me a bone. Not a bone, a lifeline of sanity and truth. And it made sense. The couple's therapist had called him out on his endless excuse-making in previous sessions. She had pointed out to him that I had good reason to suspect him. She had told him he ought to make a list of all the ways he had wronged me and needed to make amends for. And there he was, still focusing on money, making excuses for why he had not had time to make the list of amends, and still acting as though I wasn't traumatized, still harping on my "reactions" instead of his actions.
Roi thinks the couple's therapist focuses on me more because I am clearly in more distress than him. Liz thinks she's focusing on me more because I am showing I have more strength and capacity to do the work. And that makes more sense.