This morning before I woke I had a long, rich dream. I was in a foreign land, starting my life over. I spent most of my time in an open market square filled with colorful people and things and sounds. I smiled a lot. I felt as if I were floating on a serene cloud taking it all in.
In the dream I was attending classes at a college. In the hallway one day I ran into a man and felt an instant attraction. He was unlike anyone I had previously been attracted to, but there it was. He was a medical student, and when we crossed paths for the first time he was wearing scrubs. His dirty-blond hair was just this side of shaggy, the mark of someone whose work was more important than his fashion. His aura was rugged and buoyant.
We spent the next couple of days attached at the hip when not in classes, enjoying each other immensely, though no physical intimacy passed between us except for the way our heads would touch, or our hips would bounce off the other's as we walked along laughing and talking.
We shared one class, and I assumed we would sit together, but instead I saw him at the front of the class sitting with another woman, and what's more, he seemed as intimately close to her as he had been with me these last days. Their heads touched as they talked and laughed.
I tried to leave the class room, but realized I couldn't.
The dream ended there, and it's not terribly shocking is it? Another dream about "what it seems is not what it is". Except I woke up feeling calm. My mind had unclenched. And it was glorious!
Though this dream runs along a recurring theme of duplicity, there was something different. I didn't feel so overwhelmingly shocked at this man's duplicity so much as I felt an "oh". Simple as that. It is the same message of duplicity, but with a slightly different message and I can't help but feel that my painful work has indeed freed my deeper inner instincts to once again do their job properly. They are pulsing strong, taking the reins, and I am being returned to my own center.