Last night I was pretty devastated after the meeting. I cried in a stranger's arms with more strangers milling about, I cried outside in the dark as more people approached me to tell me their story, or to just reach out a hand and lay it on my shoulder or my back. I cried all the way home. I cried when I got home.
That's more crying than I've done in the last 4 years combined.
But I felt better during the meeting, and I felt better during the Sunday meeting, and I feel better when I write here or when I'm reading WWRWW or when I'm working on my creativity 12-steps. Still, nothing is happening during all the in-betweens. I'm not working, not in my work with Roi or on my own side work. I do nothing in-between my recovery work. Everything has come to a grinding halt and I feel my life like a big warm beast breathing in the dark, silent and still except for the rhythmic breath.
I don't know how to wake it up, how to get it to move, how to bring back its energy.