Tuesday, May 10, 2011

"It's Bad"

Two "take-in" appointments today. One with the therapist Roi made an appointment with. I could see that she wasn't sure she could help us. I could see that what she saw was as bad as I think it is.

Then the dentist. Through this whole mess my health insurance has been spotty, and I haven't been to the dentist in three years as a result. Things are in bad shape, and my dental coverage is limited. It won't cover the root canal I'm going to need or the three other fillings.

The Universe keeps sending me the same message, and I am listening.

I can feel that my mind is "preparing the ground" to leave, to clean up this mess, to heal, and to put it behind me. To disentangle, to find my voice and use it. I'm a little impatient that the "action" part isn't quite there yet. I want to feel motivated to start packing boxes, look for a little place, work to save the money, and look for another job, but it isn't there yet. 

And yet I know that the inner work that's happening, a force all its own, is indeed preparing the ground, and I trust it.


  1. I don't know why, but this put tears in my eyes.

    I think teeth are the only part of our body that do not heal themselves. Kind of makes them a little bit parasitic, if you ask me. ;)

  2. I wonder why? What did it bring up?

  3. I just feel for you, or know that feeling of wanting to leave. I feel like I want to leave, but I have nothing to leave. I have to clean up my own space so I can live peacefully. Different kind of preparing the ground, I suppose.

    Btw, I bought dental coverage online for something like $130 and it made a root canal, including a porcelain covered metal crown something like 700 or 900. I have another one that I need to do, too, thank God for student loans. Cavities are covered on there at some low rate, but I didn't have any of those...

  4. Thanks for the tip on dental coverage. I'll look into it. :) Still, now it's another thing I have to come up with money for when the last thing I want to do is more work for him.

  5. I can so relate to this trapped feeling, of wanting to run but being unable to at the present time. The panic at the independent confirmation that it IS as bad as we thought. It is what it is. It is nothing to do with you. Take good care of you.

    Have you thought about going to a dental school to get free/cheap dental care? I have done it and it worked out well. It's also a great strategy for much-needed massage therapy for YOU! It's surprising how healing therapeutic massage can be in helping us heal from our trauma.

    Wishing you wellness.


  6. Anonymous - thank you for your comment. I hadn't thought about the dental school option. It sounds scary, but in a pinch I could see that being helpful.

    I'm doing my best to take care of me, but every possible scenario I lose significantly. I do know though that the best option is to leave at this point.