Last night I was pretty devastated after the meeting. I cried in a stranger's arms with more strangers milling about, I cried outside in the dark as more people approached me to tell me their story, or to just reach out a hand and lay it on my shoulder or my back. I cried all the way home. I cried when I got home.
That's more crying than I've done in the last 4 years combined.
But I felt better during the meeting, and I felt better during the Sunday meeting, and I feel better when I write here or when I'm reading WWRWW or when I'm working on my creativity 12-steps. Still, nothing is happening during all the in-betweens. I'm not working, not in my work with Roi or on my own side work. I do nothing in-between my recovery work. Everything has come to a grinding halt and I feel my life like a big warm beast breathing in the dark, silent and still except for the rhythmic breath.
I don't know how to wake it up, how to get it to move, how to bring back its energy.
I've comforted lots of crying strangers at meetings and it always does my soul some good to be able to be there for them.
ReplyDeleteAnd all that crying was probably good for you, too.
It takes time, for the stuff in the meetings and in the books and all that to leech into the other moments of the day. It is especially hard for that to happen when the active addict is lurking around, you're in a different place than you are when you are open like you are in all those other places.
Time...yes. :)
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